Try to see your wife's infidelity as a wake-up call - harness its power to teach you both a great deal about your marriage and to strengthen your relationship. I feel for you because this happened to me some years ago. My partner had an affair that lasted several years, and I Shes Your Lover Now it was happening quite by chance. He and I have a better life together now because he was shocked at what he learned about himself as a result of being unfaithful.
He saw the effect it had on me and realised that our marriage nearly ended as a result of it. However, he has moved on and forgiven himself, whereas the Shes Your Lover Now of me forgiving him never really occurred to me since I imagined that it must somehow have been partly my fault that he had strayed. I have tried to think of what he did in terms of human weakness and have reflected on the fact that none of us is perfect.
Although I try not to refer to the affair, not a day goes by when I don't feel a sense of grief and hurt well up inside me; it really is like a bereavement. Shes Your Lover Now is lost is the past as one thought it was, but at least we still have the future. Try looking at yourself and your own attitudes, feelings and actions, rather than just at your wife's infidelity. Blame and guilt are very destructive in a relationship, and if you cling on to this resentment, you risk losing her.
If you really love her, then let what has happened go, and focus on the good things you have still got together. Wrench your mind away from the images that are haunting you and show your wife you trust her by staying away from her mobile phone.
You have to put this behind you if you want your marriage to have a future. Of course you were shocked and devastated - so was I when a similar thing happened to me - but beware of taking the moral high ground. When I was in a similar position, I realised that we were both responsible for the past, and that the future of our marriage was a joint project too. The agony eased as a result. I would not have chosen that time as a route to happiness, but I can't regret what we both learned about living with one another as a result.
Despite your attempts to convince yourself that all is well between the two of you now, the harm caused by your wife's affair has not yet been repaired. If it had, you would not feel the need to check her mobile, she would not feel compelled to remind her old boyfriend of their liaison, and you would not suspect her of being disingenuous when she tries to let you know how she is feeling.
The reasons you give to justify your belief that the damage has been mended are not very convincing. Hiding a problem from those around you neither increases nor decreases the chances that you will work things out. An individual may still need professional help even if he does not feel that it is necessary. And although a good sex life does improve a relationship, it is not by itself proof that a marriage is healthy or mutually beneficial. Indeed, the difference that you have noticed in your sex life may simply be because you find your wife more desirable now that you know she is desired by someone else.
You are preoccupied with the affair because you have not yet allowed yourself to process fully the implications of what happened. I suspect that you are a very logical person, and you assume that because you have dealt with things in a rational manner, and that you each had an emotional outburst at the outset - you were "predictably shocked and devastated" and your wife was "tearful and ashamed"- everything should now be all right.
In truth, with an event of this emotional magnitude, that was only the beginning. If you wish to grow from what happened, rather than let the affair create ever more barriers between you, you need to take action. You need to become aware of the ways in which you have not been communicating your needs and desires clearly to one another, and to discuss how you have been failing to meet these satisfactorily.
A good couples therapist can help you through this process. It is important that you regard this as something you both feel equally responsible for, even though only one of you was unfaithful.
So, after giving your ex 3 to 7 days of space where you used that time to make yourself more emotionally attractive, get her on a phone call and arrange a meet up.
At the meet up, focus on making her feel a strong, renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new and improved you, so she feels happy to be interacting with you again. I feel it now. I want him. When a woman stops feeling sexual attraction for her guy, she will begin to lose interest in being with him in a romantic, committed relationship.
Maybe it will be good for us. Instead, she will usually keep stalling for more and more time apart i. Do Shes Your Lover Now miss me? Do you want me back? If so, when can we get back together? I really do love you, but not in a boyfriend-girlfriend way. Also, I have something to tell you. You and I can still be friends though. So, how about it? Instead, take control of the situation by interacting with her Shes Your Lover Now making her feel sexual attraction and romantic love for you once again.
Use every interaction you have with her e. Sometimes a woman is unsure about how to break up with a guy in a way that will be easy for the both of them. She might also tell her guy that she needs him to respect her wishes and not contact her at all i.
This is why you need to focus on changing how your girlfriend feels, by making some adjustments to the way you think, talk, behave and interact with her from this point onwards. When you change the way you interact with her in a way that makes her feel surges of respect and sexual attraction for you again, her feelings about you and the relationship will automatically change. Then, getting back into a new, improved relationship that feels way better for the both of you i.
Even if a guy is a really good man who would never do anything to hurt his ex, a woman has a natural instinct to protect herself from potentially getting hurt physically, or having to deal with a boyfriend who threatens her and wants to get revenge.
Leave me alone. Search for therapist. All Rights Reserved. Share on Facebook. Share on Twitter. Share on Pintrest. Share on Whatsapp. In This Article. Share this article on Share on Facebook. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? I help individuals and couples people create their ideal relationship by becoming more accepting and real with themselves so that they can make whatever authentic changes they would like to make.
Im an experienced psychotherapist, marriage counselor and relationship coach and believe everyone can have a happy, healthy relationship.
If I can do it - you can too. My approach is down-to-earth and collaborative. I teach actual tools that you can you can start using right awayto improve your communication, contentment and closeness. Through profound and honest conversations, and a healthy dose of laughter, we will improve and empower your relationship with more love, more joy and more peace.
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